:::Dreams Of Clarity:::

test

everythin is a test they say...den i must haf done a great wrong in my previous life to deserve tis one...i'm reali being driven up e wall...i'm pissed no doubt...more pissed at myself den at u...n everytime u make me smile or laugh, i forget tat i'm pissed...i hate it when i'm weak, but i am when it comes to tis issue...slp is isn't helpin either...especially not when ur in it...i wake up feelin like i've been run over by a truck, n i dun wanna get up becoz i noe its another day where i haf to see u n den get reminded of everythin we're not anymore...

smsin with frens last nite coz i couldn't slp n didn't want to 4 obvious reasons...ok part of y i couldn't slp was finding out tat u found a substitute for me...ok tat's a bad word to use...another fren who's taken my place...yea yea e green eyed monster has taken over...n i kinda feel like cryin? i dunno y...lolx...timo replied me using tis line when i told him bout e issue : "if e person could let go of e frenship so easily, den mayb she's not tat gd a fren" i didn't delete tat msg, i kept it for e nxt time i feel weak, i noe i can read it n feel slightly better, pathetic i noe...den i went online n u were dere, i barely spoke 2 words to u...or rather u didn't seem interested in speakin with me...tis is all veri new to me becoz no one has eva treated me tis way...tat's y i tink its retribution for everyone i've treated tat way...haha...e part tat hurt e most was when we were in convo with other frens n u sorta made a pt tat made me sound so extra...swear u would neva do tat in e past...but u did it now...in e present...tat's y i left e convo without sayin bye to anyone...

i won't quit e activity i luv for u...i luved e activity b4 u even exsisted in my life...though ur reali pushin me to my limits n tat i reali believe i would happier if i didn't see u at all...givin up e sport is not wat i'm gonna do...i noe ur not gonna stop makin me feel like extra...i noe u'll continue to invite everyone else to stuff xcept me...but i'm not goin to let u take tat away from me...


*OUT*
aLiSoN

posted by alison @ 9:00 PM